May 2013
3 posts
i don’t want to date you. and ive made that clear. don’t get all upset cuz im too busy with life to hang out with you. seriously you’re a cool friend, but when you text me a like six page rant about show stressed you are about me being too busy for you and you propose set times for me to see you at least once or twice a week…no. thats not going to happe. its way too much....
Go awayyy
i cant breathe, i just smashed a glass plate all over myself. and instead of picking it up i just sat in it crying.
i can’t talk to anyone. im always alone now. im potentially homeless again. i hate my entire situation. to top it all off my therapist is dropping me. im tired and i just fucking give up. im tired of trying to fix myself and make myself better for no reason.
im so over this...
April 2013
4 posts
wow. cool. thannksss jason.
i need to find a place to live.
4 tags
[[MORE]]When I was 13 or 14 my mom took my sister and I to this little island off of where we used to go to the beach together. She and all her coworkers rented this house out for the weekend. I remember being really excited to go. I remember while we were there Tara and I made friends with this older boy who was one of my moms coworkers sons. I want to say he was 16 or 17. I remember he was...
[[MORE]][[MORE]]
I deserve this
im sitting there fucking crying and i look over my shoulder and you’re staring at your phone.
and then you constantly sit there and tell me how im not good enough and make me feel stupid then walk out
what do you expect me to do. how do you expect me to be okay
after everything how do you expect me to fucking be supportive when it affects me like thos.
im fuckoing going to puke right...
March 2013
27 posts
What fucking makes you think talking to me like that out of nowhere is ok and gets you fucking anywhere with me. I’m not a piece of fucking meat
I can’t see me living past the next 4 months.
All I want is to just kill myself
I feel so sick
The pages of the note are numbered.
That’s really cute … :/
I’m really not ok currently
I’m just over being hung up on stupid boys.
You probs don’t want to follow this whiny blog so you should stop
Just saying.
You know what’s enough to piss you off?
Finding out your ‘friends’ had plans to break you and someone up for years
Oh.
Why is this girl in my apartment.
And why is she creeping on my life.
I’m not okay. And I never will be. I want to actually mean something to someone I don’t want to be a second choice. I hate the way I feel and I hate how unstable I’ve become. I’m tired of waking up every morning to the same thing. If this is how things are supposed to happen then I’d rather be dead.
One day soon you guys will wake up and I won’t be here. No...
Had a really good conversation with my sister tonight
I want to work on fixing our relationship but that will take some time
But I think I was a little too open about the shit going on in my life.. I feel bad
Wow I don’t want to exist. I’m going to kill myself
Oh god am I having a panic attack ‘.v fuck
So Chelsea just told me earlier that on Sunday she’s going to the parade and what not which I figured. Which means she’s going to be drunk. which is whatever cuz i wont be home till 5 and she will be out doing this. but then she told me that she will be coming back to my apartment with Mk a few guys I don’t know. And they all have to spend the night because they will all be...
Well hi
It’s 6 in the morning
I haven’t slept
I’ve had an awful stressful day
And right now I am so sexually frustrated right now. And I want to be tossed around a little at the moment.
Make it go away this is out of nowhere
Or send help.
That too
Neat.
Wow
I want nothing more than to just slit my wrists as soon as I get home.
Sounds like a plan
today was by far the worst day of my life.
thank god im giving up school and photography in general.
im going to hide and just try to kill myself.
cool.
I spent 3 hours at my therapists office today. i’ve made the mistake of telling her about how much i consider hurting myself and how much i consider living not worthwhile. so naturally she was concerned for me.
we talked over the hospitalization process, where they could try to find and open bed for me. and i got more and more nervous the more we talked about it. and i just didn’t...
you all suck and i want you to die.
I have therapy tomorrow.
hopefully we can figure my situation out and know whats going on from there.
but im kind of really nervous about it.
I should just die.
im not ok.
im an asshole and i just like to fight with anyone i can when im bored.
all i want to do is scream at someone else for no reason and try to convince them its their fault.
i promise ill feel so much better after.
only i wont. cuz i never do.
but in the mean time. im going to yell at you if you talk to me.
im gunna lose my fucking job. im gunna lose my fucking job.
i can’t fucking deal with today im home alone and all i want to do is drown myself in the fucking bath tub
i just dont want to fucking be here anymore
im so tired of feeling like shit im so tired of the bad luck i just want to be fucking happy thats apparently so hard to fucking ask
fuckthis just fuck this i want to die
this is NOT happening
i have fantasies of my funeral more often than i should.
i feel really euphoric when i have them i guess.
it happens every day, i guess i use it to relax or to keep my mind occupied when im bored.
i explained this to my roommate tonight and she was pretty disgusted by it. she laughed a lot, but it made her uncomfortable.
she really thinks i’m crazy.
well pretty much everyone does.
...
Today just made me way more sad than it should have.
I just wanted to play with a puppy.
And my heart was just broken.
It would be really nice to have a companion to really be responsible for. But at the god damn rate I’m at I can’t even take care of myself.
Who am I fucking kidding.
I’m just trying to make up excuses for pathetic life.
I always do stupid things when...
i just want to talk to my doctor i cant stand being here anymore.
im losing my mind
fuck my fucking heath insurance right now.
mother fucking shit.
im so fucking mad im going to explode.
i cant take this.
i want to fucking slit my throat.
February 2013
11 posts
I have a small bald spot on the back of my head now
This is getting out of control.
i pulled out a big chunk of my hair again and i cant stop crying.
i have to stop.
i need to find bandaids and lay in bed.
im such an idiot. such a fucking dumb idiot.
i hate myself
i can’t keep up like this
why am i the biggest fucking dummb ass ever?
im so unstable. and alone. and i just cant take anymore.
i can’t deal with this. im a fucking idiot. i just want to die.
i wish i was dead. im panicking. i hate feeling like this.
i need to leave. i can’t be here or im going to hurt myself.
my mom buzzed her hair off today
and I’m incredibly bummed about it
it just really makes the whole situation feel more real.
i want to cry and its dumb. im dumb.
i need hugs.
You've never loved me. And that's the joke on me
I will honestly never believe anyone when they say they love me because of the fucking shit you’ve put me through over the years.
Thanks for that.
I’m literately am object to you. an object that you don’t want to let go of simply because you need to have some sort of power over something. and you’ve always known how to manipulate me and have that power over me.
If you...
meh. i want to text you but yeah thats just stupid right.
-_-
i just feel super isolated right now and all i want is someone to talk to.
:\
1 tag
I screamed at my therapist today. And told her I wanted to kill myself. She took it well.
i’m also leaning towards dropping out of school after next month because thats some bullshit.
My life is fuckin great.
This whole week can suck my fucking dick
i wish i didn’t even look at your blog tonight.
i wish i didn’t feel so dumb.
after everything we’d been talking about it just sucks seeing you thinking about leaving boston.
and it also sucks seeing you reblog pictures of her but i mean im in no place to complain about that at all. so i have no right getting bummed out about stupid pretty girls.
just get to sit here...
January 2013
6 posts
Why do I have to get so jealous.
It gets me in trouble
I won’t treat you like you’re oh so typical
i just want to be stupid cute and cuddly
i hate my life
It’s nice having someone to just cry to. It’s like really the only thing I need in a relationship. I just need to be able to sit there and cry to you while you deal with it.
It’s nice that nick is willing to put up with that finally now :/
Womp I’m crying
